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Ubushakashatsi:Urukundo Rukomoka mu Bwonko

urukundo-ubwonko-umutima
Ubushakashatsi bwakoze n'impuguke zo muri kaminuza ya Syracuse muri Leta Zunze Ubumwe z'Amerika zavumbuye ko urukundo rudaturuka ku mutima nk’uko bisanzwe bivugwa ahubwo ko ruva mu bice bimwe byo mu bwonko.

Ubushakashatsi bwakozwe n’itsinda ry’abahanga ryari riyobowe na Stephanie Ortigue bwagaragaje ko iyo umuntu akunze hari ibice bigera kuri 12 byo mu bwonko biba birimo gukora. Ibi bice ngo bisohora imisemburo ituma umuntu yishimira cyane uwo akunda. Iyi misemburo ngo ihita igira ingaruka ku myitwarire y’umuntu nk’uko abakoze ubu bushakashatsi bakomeza babivuga.

Ubu bushakashatsi kandi bwanagaragaje ko umuntu ashobora gukunda mu gihe gito cyane kingana na kimwe cya gatanu cy’isegonda gusa.

Abajijwe niba urukundo ruva mu mutwe cyangwa mu bwonko, umushakashatsi Ortigue yasubije ati:

“Icyo ni ikibazo gikomeye, ariko navuga ko [urukundo] ruva mu mutwe n’ubwo umutima nawo ubifitemo uruhare. Urukundo burya ni ikintu kigoye gusobanura kuko ari uruhererekane rw’ibintu biva mu bwonko bikagera mu mutima ndetse n’ibiva mu mutima bikagera mu bwonko”.

Akomeza agira ati: “Hari ibimenyetso bimwe, cyane amarangamutima, dukeka ko bikomoka mu mutima nyamara biba byavuye mu bwonko”.

Aba bashakashatsi kandi bavumbuye ko iyo umuntu yatwawe n’urukundo ngo aba ameze nk’umuntu wanyoye ikiyobyabwenge cya ‘Cocaine’.

Iri tsinda rivuga ko buri bwoko bw’urukundo rufite igice cy’ubwonko cyihariye ruvamo. Nk’urugero batanga, ngo urukundo umubyeyi akunda umwana ntiruva hamwe n’urukundo rw’umusore n’inkumi cyangwa urw’abakirisitu bakunda Imana.

Ikinyamakuru ‘Journal of sey-xual Medecine’ cyanditse iby’ubu bushakashatsi cyemeza ko ubu bushakashatsi bufite agaciro kanini cyane mu bijyanye n’ibyubuvuzi bw’ubwonko, indwara zo mu mutwe ndetse n’ihungabana. Ibi ngo bishobora kuzorohereza abaganga n’abahanga mu by’imibanire n’imitekerereze (Pshychologues) kuko bemeza ko ibibazo mu ngo byinshi byaba biterwa n’ihungabana rikomoka ku rukundo.

Ku bw’iki kinyamakuru, ngo bifashishije ubu bushakashatsi abavuzi bazajya babanza kureba igice cy’ubwonko cyateye urukundo kugira ngo bavure neza abarwayi bafite ibibazo batewe narwo.

“Niba umuntu yabashije kumenya impamvu umuntu akunda n’ikimutera kubabara, bizoroha kumuha umuti”, ibi ni ibivugwa na Stephanie Ortigue.

Impamvu 5 Zituma Umugabo Wawe Aguca Inyuma

umugabo uguca inyuma


1. Umugabo atangira kumva urugo rwe rutamuhaza

Igihe kiragera umwanya munini w’umugore akawumara yita ku bana, bityo umugabo agatangira kwitabwaho gake gashoboka bigatuma yumva hari icyo abura, akumva rwa rukundo yahabwaga rwaragabanutse ndetse agatangira kumva atishimiye kuba mu rugo rwe.

2. Umugore aba atakiyitaho

Iyo umugore amaze igihe kinini ashatse ageraho akagabanya uburyo yiyitagaho, ni ukuvuga ko agabanya ibyo yisigaga, umusatsi ntabe akiwitaho nk’ibisanzwe n’ibindi yakoraga mbere akiri inkumi akabigabanya cyangwa akabihagarika burundu. Ibi rero bituma umugabo abonako umugore we ashaje ndetse anasa nabi bigatangira gutuma atangira gukururwa n’abakobwa bakiri bato kandi basa neza.

3. Umugabo arashaka guhindura cyangwa kuvanga

Iyo umugabo atangiye kurambirwa gukorera imibonano mu rugo aba atangiye no kumva arambiwe no kuyikorana n’umuntu umwe akumva yahindura cyangwa akavanga. Ikindi kandi akenshi abagore ntibaba bazi guhindurira abagabo babo iyo bari gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina.

4. Ashobora kuba atarigeze kunda umugore we

Ibi biterwa ahanini n’uko hari abantu bashakana badakundana ahubwo bagahitamo kureba inyungu zabo ku giti cyabo cyangwa inyungu z’imiryango y’abo. Iyo rero bamaze kubana hari igihe umugabo atangira kumva umugore babana atari we bari bakwiye kubana bigatuma atangira kujya hanze kuko hari gihe aba yumva batahita batandukana ako kanya agahitamo kujya amuca inyuma ngo yishimishe.

5. Ingeso

Hari igihe umugabo aba nta kintu yabuze iwe mu rugo, ibintu byose bihari, umugore amufata neza yemwe no mu mibonano mpuzabitsina bigenda neza ariko ugasanga rimwe na rimwe atanyurwa n’ibyo umugore amukorera ahubwo ugasanga afite umutima wo kumuca inyuma no gushaka guheheta mu bandi bagore. Iyi ni ingeso aba yisanganiwe muri we.

Nakwitwara Nte Nyuma Yo Gutandukana n'Umukunzi Wanjye

gutandukana birababaza
Abantu benshi bamaze guhura n’ikibazo cyo gutandukana cyangwa kwangwa n’uwari umukunzi bakabura uko babyitwaramo.

Iyo ukunda umuntu uba wumva ari uwawe ku buryo utajya ubasha no gutekereza ko mushobora gutandukana ntimwongere kuba hamwe.


Dore uko wakwitwara uramutse wanzwe n’uwo wari warihebeye.

1. Ganiriza Inshuti Zawe Ibyakubayeho: Reka kubihisha inshuti; menya ko niba ari ikibazo wagize ntawe bitabaho, ikindi kandi umenye ko atari icyaha wakoze.

2 Wicika Intege:Gumana n’inshuti n’umuryango wawe, wibatera umugongo kuko mbere y’uko uhura n’uwo muntu uguhemukiye wari ubafite.

3. Reka Kumva ko Ijuru Rikuguye Hejuru: Reka kumva ko niba ufite ibibazo ugomba kwiyibagirwa. Gukunda ni byiza kandi no kwangwa birababaza, ariko rero wikumva ko ijuru ryakuguyeho ngo we kwiyitaho. Niba wakundaga kwisiga bikomeze, niba ukunda kujya mu bitaramo ntihazagire ikibikubuza; niba wajyaga uryoherwa no gusohoka ukinywera kamwe n’inshuti zawe n’ubundi ubikomeze kuko ubuzima bwo bugomba gukomeza. Abakobwa bo bakunda kwambara bakajya kwireba mu ndorerwamo ko baberewe. Bikomeze rwose kandi ntiwibagirwe ko n’ubwo uwo muntu atakigukunda, utabura abandi bakureba kandi bakagushima.

4.Wihisha Agahinda Kawe- Wikibuza Kurira: Niba wumva ubabaye ukaba wifuza kurira ntihazagire ukubuza rwose. Kurira ni byiza kuko bigufasha kuruhura umutima, ukumva akababaro karashize.

5. Ni Ayahe Masomo Wabikuramo: Ese mu rukundo rwanyu n’ubwo rushize ni iki rwakwigishije? Ushobora no kuboneramo isomo ryagufasha kutazongera na rimwe kugwa muri izo ngorane ubutaha.

6. Wikwirengagiza akababaro kawe: Hari abantu benshi bishuka ko kwirengagiza ikibazo barimo ari byo bibafasha kumera neza. Nyamara uko ucyirengagiza niko noneho cyanga kikakuremerera. Niba ubabaye wibihisha, gusa wirinde kubikabya, ariko kandi ntukanihagarareho cyane bityo bizagufasha kubikira vuba usubire mu buzima bwawe busanzwe.


7. Tekereza noneho ku nyungu zawe nyuma yo gutandukana nawe: Wenda ahari birashoboka ko wari wararetse gusohokana n’inshuti zawe, kuki se utazigarukira? Wenda ahari birashoboka ko wari usigaye ubura umwanya wo gukora ibyo wari usanzwe ukunda, kuki se noneho utabikora ko wawubonye. Tekereza n’ibindi byose byagushimishaga wari wararetse kubera uwo ukunda, maze usubire uryoherwe n’ubuzima nka kera.

8. Igihe kirakiza: Nureba ukabona ibibazo byakubanye ingutu, jya wifatira umwanya ubyihorere amaherezo igihe kizagufasha kuruhuka uwo mutwaro.

9. Fata umwanya wo gutuza: Utekereze neza ibyo ubuzima bwawe.

Impamvu 6 Zituma Abantu Bifuza Gushinga Urugo

gushinga urugo
Gushaka ni kimwe mu bintu byerekana urukundo ruba ruri hagati y’umugabo n’umugore cyangwa se umusore n’inkumi maze rukajya ku mugaragaro abantu bakabimenya. Mu masezerano y’ urukundo buri wese yemerera undi ko bazabana mu byiza no mu bibi, mu bukire no mu bukene, barwaye cyangwa se ari bazima. Abenshi banongeraho ko bazabana kugeza bapfuye. Ibi ubibonye cyangwa ubyumvise ushobora kugira ngo biroroshye, ariko ntabwo ari ibintu byoroshye kugirango abantu bazabashe kubana mu mahoro no mu munezero w’urugo kugeza bapfuye kuko harimo nabo binanira bagatandukana kandi bari babyiyemeje.

Dore zimwe mu mpamvu zituma abantu bashaka umugabo cyangwa umugore.

1. Gukunda no gushaka gukundwa

Abantu bakundana iyo batarabana cyangwa se batarashakana ntibishimira uburyo baba banyemo kuko bataba babana iminsi yose. Ikindi kandi banafata umwanya wo gutekereza uko abandi bababona; ibi rero bimarwa no kubana kuko ari bwo buri wese yumva akunzwe ndetse akanabyiyumvamo nta n’ikindi yikanga .

2.Gushaka umuketakano no kwitabwaho bihagije

Iyo umuntu ashatse aba yumva afite umutekano uhagije mu buryo bitandukanye. Abagore cyane cyane iyo barongowe baba bumva bacitse ibibazo byinshi kuko kenshi na kenshi iyo bakiri ingaragu bahura n’ibibazo byinshi bishingiye ku miterere yabo. Urugero: bashobora gukorerwa ihohoterwa rishingiye ku gitsina cyangwa se bakumva ubuzima bwa gikobwa butabashimishije.

Izo mbogamizi zose rero zigatuma bakoresha uko bashoboye kugira ngo bashake maze babone umutekano.

Abagabo nabo baba bumva bashaka abantu babitaho bababaza amakuru, mbega babakorera ibyo bashaka byose. Ikindi kandi iyo umugabo abona hari umuntu umwereka ko amwitayeho. Ibi biramushimisha cyane.

3. Gushaka umutuzo n’umunezero

Umunezero n’umutuzo nabyo biri mu bintu bituma abantu bashaka kuko baba bumva bizatuma bishimira ubuzima.

4. Gushaka kugira umuryango

Iyo umuntu ataragira umuryango, ni ukuvuga umugore/umugabo uzwi mu mategeko n’abana, usanga yumva atubashywe kabone n’iyo yaba afite amafaranga menshi, akuze se cyangwa afite umwana ariko mu buryo butazwi. Buri gihe abayumva hari ikintu kibura akagerageza gushaka uburyo yakuzuza ibyo yumva akeneye byose birimo no kubahwa nk’umubyeyi cyangwa se umuntu ufite urugo.

5. Kwikura mu bwigunge

Abantu benshi iyo batarashaka baba bumva hari ukuntu baba mu bwigunge. Nk’iyo umuntu akora yava ku kazi akabura umuntu umwakira cyangwa n’umwakiriye ntamwakire nk’uko abyifuza ngo ahita yumva yigunze maze akumva yifuje kubana n’umuntu umukunda kandi umuhora hafi.


6.Kugabanya inshingano

Hari gihe umuntu yireba maze ngo agasanga afite ibintu byinshi agomba gukora, muri make afite inshingano nyinshi kandi agomba kuzuza. Iyo bimeze bityo rero atangira kubona ko atari ngombwa ko ibyo bintu byose yabyikorera ku mutwe we wenyine maze agahitamo gushaka umuntu uzajya umufasha akamutiza imbaraga yaba mu bitekerezo cyangwa bukungu

Ibibazo by'Amafaranga n'Urukundo

amafaranga-urukundo
Amafaranga ni kimwe mu bintu bijya bibangamira imibanire y’abantu bakundana. Turebere hamwe uburyo wakwitwara kugira ngo ibibazo by'amafaranga bitabangamira urukundo rwanyu.

1. Mugomba gukora urutonde rw’ibintu bitwara amafaranga

Niba ari umuryango w’umugore, umugabo n’abana bagomba kwicara bakareba ibikenewe mu gihe runaka. Ese abana bakeneye iki? Mu rugo se ni iki kibura? Ikiba gisigaye ni ukugabanya amafaranga bitewe n’ibikemewe cyane kurusha ibindi, aho kuyakoresha uko biboneye.

Iyo abantu benshi bahembwe usanga iyo baguze ibiryo mu rugo bumva bihagije; ubundi ntibarebe ibyo abana bakeneye n’ibindi bikenewe.Iyo ibyo birangiye asigaye bayokoresha uko bishakiye, ukwezi kukazajya gushira nta kintu basigaranye,maze umwiryane n’ubwumvikane buke bigatangira.

Ibi bishatse kuvuga ko ahanini umuryango ukoresha nabi amafaranga usanga nta mahoro awurangwamo, kuko baba bari mu buzima bubakomereye buri umwe yifuza ikintu kandi atari bupfe kukibona. Mu muryango nk’uwo abana ntibaba bavuga, kimwe n’ababyeyi babo, aho buri wese aba ashinja mugenzi we gukoresha amafaranga nabi.

2. Niba ugiye kugura ikintu, banza urebe ko ari cyo gikenewe koko.

Ikintu gikunda kumara amafaranga y’abantu, ni uko usanga bayakoresha mu bintu bidakenewe kandi hari ibikenewe cyane byagombaga gukorwa. Iki kibazo gikunda kugaragara ku bagore cyane, kuko ari bo bakunda kugura ibintu batabanje kureba niba babikeneye koko. Umugore ashora kugura ibintu bibiri bisa kuko yabikunze kandi wenda atari na byo bikenewe, amafaranga akaba yanamushirana ataragura iby’ibanze.