Ese wari wakunda umuntu mugatandukana, ukimwifuza, wumva ari bwo byari bigeze aharyoshye?
Gutandukana kwa benshi mu bakundanaga biterwa ahanini n’ibintu bitari binini cyane, ariko icyo bihuriyeho ni uko n’ubundi icyo bigeraho ari kimwe: gutandukanya abakundanaga!
Ese birashoboka ko wagarura uwari umukunzi wawe nyuma y’igihe kinini atakuvugisha, atakwereka ko akigukeneye?
Byashoboka se ko bya bihe byiza mwagiranaga bibagarukira nyuma y’uburyo mwatandukanye nabi?
Aha ushobora no kwibaza ibibazo byinshi biguca intege, wibaza ko niba ubwo yagusize akagenda, icyo wakoresha cyose ngo akugarukire, niba bwo wakwizera ko azahaguma nabwo atazongera ngo agucike.
Ibi byose ni ibigenda biguca intege, iyo ubitekerejeho. Ariko se niba umukunda wabuzwa n’iki gufata ‘risk’ nk’uko benshi bajya babivuga?
Nk’uko twabibonye tugitangira, impamvu nyinshi z’abagabo/Abagore baca inyuma cyangwa se banatandukana n’abakunzi babo, ahanini biterwa n’uburyo baba babitwayeho. N’ubona rero uwo wakundaga yigendeye cyangwa ukabona atakikwishimiye, jya utangira wibaze ibi bibazo:
- Ese kuba mwaratandukanye byaba ari ikose ryawe?
- Ese haba ari andi makosa wakoze, n’iyo waba utayazi cyangwa utaranayahaga uburemere?
Ahanini ni nk’igihe wakundaga kumuburanya cyane, kutamusaba imbabazi wamukoshereje n’utundi tuntu duto ariko nyamara tumuremerera we.
Niba kuba mwaratandukanye usanze byaratewe n’ikosa ryawe, aho rwose birashoboka ko wagarura umukunzi wawe mukongera mukabana urukundo rukaganza.
Usibye n’ibyo kandi aha uraza kureba uburyo wamugaragariza uburyo yahombye kuba utakiri uwe, n’uburyo wakoresha kugira ngo agaruke agukomangire ku rugi agutakambire agusaba ko mwasubirana. Ntugire ubwoba humura biroshye!
Biragusaba gukurikiza izi ntambwe gusa:
1.Reka kumwereka ko umukeneye cyane cyangwa ko ubayeho nabi adahari
Ikintu cya mbere ugomba gukora ni ukugaragaza ibitandukanye n’ibyo urimo gutekereza, cyangwa wifuza ko biba: Reka kumwereka ko wifuza ko agaruka!
Yego birasa naho bitumvikana cyangwa ko ari nko kwivuguruza, ariko ndakubwiza ukuri , uko urushaho kumugarura, ni ko nawe arushaho kuguhunga.
Muri icyo gihe rero jya ukora nk’aho ntacyo wahombye kuba yaragusize, ujye umureka ajye muri gahunda ze, akore ibyo yifuza byose, nyuma azatangira kubona impamvu agukeneye, anakwifuza mu buzima bwe, azatangira noneho kujya abona ukuntu ubuzima bubishye udahari.
Mureke akore ibyo ashaka, ajye mu bandi bagabo/bagore, batembere, basangire…, amaherezo koko niba ari uwawe azabona ko icyo yaje akurikiye iwawe nta handi akibona akugarukire.
Icyo gihe kandi numureka akaba akora ibyo yishakira byose, nawe jya wigira muri gahunda zawe, we guhora umutegereje nta gahunda mufitanye y’igihe azagarukira.
2.Iyibutse ubuzima bwawe bwiza bwa mbere y’uko ukundana n’umukunzi wawe
Muri icyo gihe wari uri kumwe n’umukunzi wawe, hari byinshi wasize inyuma. Abantu benshi iyo bafite abo bakunda, ntibaba bifuza ko bagira ahandi bajya; nta zindi nshuti baba bumva bagendana, basangira.
Iki ni igihe cyo kubisubiramo, ntukomeze kwibabaza, ahubwo ukishyiramo ko uko bimeze kose ubuzima bugomba gukomeza kandi neza, ugasubira muri bwa buzima bwagushimishaga na mbere y’uko muhura.
Iyo watandukanye n’umukunzi wawe, utangira kwibaza no gutekereza abandi bari kumwe, uti ese ubu abo yahisemo bandusha iki, yabakurikiyeho iki se? n’ibindi nk’ibyo… Yego biragoye kwibuza gutekereza kuri ibi byose iyo ukimukunda, ariko niwumva ushaka kubyirinda jya wibuka ko uwo mwanya wawe upfusha ubusa umutekerezaho, utekereza ibyo arimo, we nta n’isegonda afite ryo kugutekerezaho cyane cyane ko aba yibereye mu bindi.
3.Gerageza kwiyitaho no kwiha umwanya uhagije
Niba uri umugore warakundaga kwisiga, kujya muri salon ukiyitaho, kwambara imyenda myiza, cyangwa igezweho, uri umugabo se warakundaga gukora sport, kwisiga parfum nziza… bikomeze. Wikwisuzugura kuko niba we atakikubona hari n’abandi bakureba, wigarurire icyizere, wumve wongeye kwikunda nyuma yo kubura uwo wakundaga. Subira mu isoko ugure imyenda mishya kandi myiza, ukomeze wiyiteho, uhure n’abandi bantu bashya, umenyane n’inshuti nshya kandi unatemberere ahantu hashya. Niba uri mu kazi ugakore neza kandi nibiba byiza uzanazamuke no mu ntera. Ibyo byose kandi ujye ukora uko ushoboye bimugereho.
Ushobora gukora uko ushoboye ukabonana n’inshuti ze, n’abavandimwe be, n’abo bakorana cyangwa se bigana bitewe n’icyo akora, bityo ntazabasha kwihanganira kutaguhamagara ngo akubaze amakuru. N’ubwo ibyo byose azabikora asa n’utakwitayeho, wowe ntihazagire icyo bigutwara, uzamureke atangazwe no kubona ukuntu ubayeho neza adahari.
Ariko se nyuma y’ibi hakurikiraho iki?
Ese witabye telefone aguhamaye agusaba ko wamugarukira wabyitwaramo ute? Ni gute wabigenza kugira ngo yongere akwiyumvemo nk’uko byahoze?
4.Ntuzigere na rimwe umwemerera ko bikomeza, akibikubwira ku nshuro ya mbere kuko bimwereka ko wari warihagazeho kandi nawe warashize! Ntuzigere na rimwe uhita uvuga “Yego” n’iyo yaba agusabye amahirwe ya nyuma!
Ahubwo musubize ko ukeneye umwanya wo kubitekerezaho.
Ibi ni ukubera iki?
Impamvu ni uko ashaka ko mwongera mugakundana kandi guhita umwemerera si byiza kuko bimwereka ko wari warabuze aho ujya. Humura azakomeza aguhamagare kugeza ubwo azumva bimugeze kure! Ubu noneho, ushobora gukomeza kubikora kugeza ubwo uzaba wizeye neza koko ko yifuza ko mwongera gukundana, ko afite impamvu ikomeye imuteye kugaruka kandi ko usobanuye byinshi kuri we; ubundi urukundo rugasagamba, amahoro, ituze n’umunezero bigataha mu buzima bwanyu mwembi.
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